How The NFL's First Overall Draft Pick Should Be Determined

Listen, I'm not going to tell you in the first sentence. You're going to have to stick around for a little bit before you get the answer, so take a seat and have some leftover pizza I ordered last night. Don't heat it up in the microwave, eat it cold. You can thank me later.

Since I'm not telling you how its determined yet, I'll give you a spoiler alert. Let's dive into a detailed analysis of the teams who are in the hunt for the first overall pick in 2019. **flushes toilet** It's the Cardinals and the Raiders, and I'm not going to waste any more time on this topic.

Okay, enough horsing around. "Just tell us, Mr. Football Guy, you selfish asshole. We are reading this in a bathroom stall and have already been sitting on the toilet not going to the bathroom for 8 minutes. We need to wrap this up before that miserable prick Karen starts spreading rumors that we don't do anything around here." Fine. The pick should be determined by the two worst teams playing for the top pick. Now, before you hippies start bitching about player safety, I'll start by saying that each player on the losing team will get paid $50,000 (That is what an $800k salary average is over 16 games) and the winning teams players get $100,000 (I just doubled the last number). Not a bad day at the office. The winning team gets the crown jewel: the number one pick.

I thought about proposing a different set of rules for the game, but let's just keep it simple and say all rules are the same including overtime rules. Maybe it can be a charity game as well, where remaining net income can be donated charity. Overall, I think the current system is boring and a professional team shouldn't be rewarded for sucking and torturing their fan base for an entire season without earning it.

Well, that's all I got. Not really something that requires 18 pages of blogging, just food for thought and not really that crazy of an idea. My crazy idea was relocating a team if they come in last place in two consecutive years. Too complicated and would cost too much money, but at least the Browns would've been gone years ago.

- Mr. Football Guy